Good to the last drop

I bought a cup of coffee tonight. I know that doesn't seem like such a big deal, but it was. All I wanted was a simple cup of coffee and was faced with a decision that, if made incorrectly, would hurl the Earth off its axis and into the sun.

It used to be easy. The choices were simple: black, with cream, with sugar, or "regular" (cream and two sugars). Now it's a latte, or something that has chocolate or raspberry and whipped cream and costs four dollars. I want a cup of java, joe, mud, whatever......I don't want a mocha latte Al Pacino. Cream, two sugars and it costs a buck.

There is a gourmet coffee now that is made from coffee beans that have been digested by some wild cat. You read that right....the beans are consumed by an animal called a civet and then the beans are, um, harvested from its feces and made into delicious coffee. I know what you are thinking.....I know each and every one of you is thinking that you have had some really shitty coffee. This is literal shitty coffee that costs something like seventy dollars a pound. I wonder if I can get my cat to eat some Maxwell House and crap out bags of money.

I read somewhere there is a Starbucks within spitting distance of pretty much everywhere. There will come a time when there will be a Starbucks within another Starbucks and it will be the coffee equivalent of dividing by zero.

I make most of my coffee at home. My brand of choice is Chock Full O' Nuts. There are no actual nuts in the coffee. The name comes from the fact that it originated as a product in a store that sold nuts and the name was never changed when the store stopped selling nuts. The store eventually became a chain of small diners in the New York City area and I guess "Chock Full O'Diner Coffee" did not roll off the tongue very easily.

I take my coffee very seriously. I use a mug, not a cup. I don't fill my coffee full of nonsensical things like spice and sugary flavors. Once in a great while, I'll put in a shot of my favorite Irish whiskey.

I know the market for faux gourmet coffees exists. It's the same market there is for yoga pants, Ugg boots and American Eagle baby tees. These are the people spending six dollars for a small coffee.

Until then, I will have my plain old coffee in my plain old mug. I got the mug in 1999 and it has the I (Heart) NY logo on it. It didn't cost six dollars, either.