It's been a little while since Murphy died and her ashes are now in an urn on the mantle. I still don't know exactly what to feel since she has been gone.

Connecting with Cooper hasn't been easy. He's both a kitten and a Maine Coon, so he is high energy. I miss the low key interaction with a senior cat. Murphy and I seemed to age together....not so gracefully, but with a knowing respect for the process. We both began suffering the aches and pains of middle age around the same time and we understood when each of us was moving a little slowly.

I don't dislike Cooper. As I write this, he is asleep...next to me, where Murphy would sleep. I'm torn. That was Murphy's spot. I'm not sure I am ready to have another cat snuggled next to me on the bed. Murphy was large and plush, with a gentle reassuring purr that would lull even the most hardened insomniac into a deep sleep. Cooper is very small....with a rapid, machine gun purr and a late night penchant for face licking.

I don't want Cooper to be Murphy. Cooper was here before Murphy died. He is not a replacement nor a substitute.

I guess I just want Murphy back.